…to trust the magic in new beginnings.
(a goodbye, a beginning, and the space in between)
Back in Spring 2011, I started wearing yoga pants ‘to work.’ And joined a company, that I think, for many of us who have spent a handful of years here and more can say, it changed the course of pretty much everything.
Though that was 4-years ago…I’ve been with lululemon for just about 2.5 years, and how that works out is…I’ve left. Twice.
And now. Three times.
Cause, you know, I like to be thorough.
Man, there’s so much between the lines, across the 4-years, 2 states, a move across the country and the 3-roles I had while here. But it actually doesn’t help me to remember all of that. What I need to walk away with is knowing that once you have love, it doesn’t just go away like that.
What I do know is that finding yoga, and coming to work for lululemon happened all at the same time. And by all accounts it’s the collision that saved my life.
What I do know, is I can count on 2-hands, my tribe of woman who I will dance to ho-hey with at my wedding, who I will facetime when I have a baby, holding my crying baby up to the screen, asking ‘what do I do now?’ a tribe I will find for retreats with sand and yoga, glasses of wine during lay-overs, and step-by-step accounts of what happened today…on extraordinary days, and on Tuesdays. Where something hilarious happened on the train. In the produce aisle. When making dinner. Because love is built on Tuesdays, and in the most ordinary moments, we see each other. My tribe of women, they live all over the country, and across the pond. I see, and I am seen.
I have healed, deeply.
Loved, harder, than I knew I could.
Spent more time in circles, laughing, crying, and figuring it out…than I ever did standing alone.
And after one million attempts to push it away, I was loved, and cared for, and fought for, and stood for….when I could not stand on my own…and even when I could stand alone….I never had to. This tribe of woman, they have known enough to know…that being alone for me is a comfort zone. And so, they found their way in.
This was exactly where I was supposed to be.
I keep coming back here, like in the way we call the place we grow up ‘home,’ the way we have mixed tapes, and memories of firsts….
Of all the circles I have sat in and lead. Of all the huddles. Of all the knock down drag outs (which happens when you are passionate about what you do). Of all the cups of coffee, early mornings, late nights, of what it takes to open a business in 2-new locations, and take on a business….of what it means to be…a part of something beautiful. How to explain this all to someone who thinks you are ‘selling yoga pants’ and to reach a point where you just stop explaining….and start to show. That is not a fight worth fighting.
I was given the space to run, far, and often here. Let my wild imagination show up in my work. Let my ability to rally a team around absolutely anything, be celebrated. Let my deep desire to connect people to people, be acknowledged. To build, to create, to coach, to lead, to try, to fail…to get back up, again and again.
To be brave.
To be honest, I don’t think there will ever be a time I’m not looking over my shoulder a bit at what could have | should have | been here. But I also must be responsible enough to know…when it’s time. When the opportunities that are not here can mean, I can wait…or I can be at the cause & source of them. When it’s time to step out, so someone else can step in.
I could pray that somehow I end up in Canada for the role I’m best fit for, which would mean, someone in Canada has to prove I could do the job better than anyone in Canada (true story AND true story) but I get it….
To the company that’s welcomed me back 3-times, thank you.
To each of the teams I have come to be a part of, thank you.
To the tribe of woman I walk away with, better than any 401K, or options package…I fucking love you.
To every person that rallied | stood for | wrote for | climbed | danced | celebrated | clapped | chose….me. THANK YOU.
I’ve learned so much over the past 4-years. This is an exceptional place to spend any part of your career. I’ll never regret quitting my job, moving to buffalo, and beginning the whirlwind of what has now become my life. My life will never be ordinary….I have learned that here, I already knew that. I knew it when I was a kid, but what I learned here, is that is totally okay.
My top 5.
Don’t ask for permission: ask for forgiveness.
I have had some ROYAL fuck-up’s here. From not hooking up my credit card system properly in my first showroom (and theoretically giving away 15k of product in a weekend) (it was recovered) My very first regional gave me this advice. And I’ve RUN with it.
My nickname in my last store in Roseville, was chumbawumba, because let me tell you, failure? I am not afraid of you. I will run into any fire I believe in. I will fireman carry a team on my back, so they can see how magnificent it is to take big chances and leaps. I will create experiences for people to dive in, because nothing beats the look on someones face when they straight up conquer something they were once afraid of. Nothing. I will run out the door with one shoe on, if I feel that we’re onto something. People waste a lot of time making sure everyones on board, and the result is guaranteed.
You’re wasting time. JUST GO.
People love to gather around my ‘epic failure’ stories, and I don’t mind at all telling them. Most of them are hilarious. I have learned about the beauty of failure here.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say. I am a little bit like an 87-year old, old-school grandpa when it comes to what I believe in. It gets me in trouble sometimes, but that’s okay. It also means, calling it like it is. Bringing the tough conversation to the surface.
You will succeed, wildly, and you will fail.
Prior to this, my life was structured around never failing, and I was pretty good at it. I had a life built on a mountain of financial, athletic, and academic success. I was a ‘winner’ : )
I have led teams, with momentum and integrity.
I have failed teams, with disappointment and resentment.
For the tribe I have gained, I have also lost friendships along the way. People who would say they would never want to work with or for me….it’s the cost and gain of leadership. You wont always be the most popular, but you must move forward.
Set your goals | Craft your vision. Buckle up, and get ready to rumble.
I live my life on purpose…circumstances no longer are the weight of me. I have declared a wild, beautiful life…and so it is.
Growing up in a family system I did not want to belong to….I never quite developed that muscle that tells you how important it is to feel a part of something, to be loved and love. When you don’t grow up with it, you always seek it, but until someone holds you tightly, looks you in the eye, and says ‘you deserve to be here’ you don’t ever believe it. You spend an entire life waiting for the other shoe to drop. You believe it’s for everyone else…but not you. Though I was always on some type of team….what was missing for me was the self-worth to know, I had a seat at the table.
It is for you.
Where I go from here, is an amazing opportunity with a medical device company. Oncology ports for those going through chemotherapy, needles, etc. I’ll work with teams of nurses and doctors, I’ll wear scrubs and let my inner nerd shine right on. I’ll be rocked by what I see in the ER and infusion centers, and I will be for the people I meet, who I have been here. I will offer love and connection. I’ll be based here in Northern California. I have a boss that is amused by my yogi ways, who tells me I’ll take this to the top…I know he’s right. In 5-years I’ll open the studio I know people will come to, the way I have come. To heal. To say. To know. You’re all invited. I mean that.
I’m going to keep on teaching yoga, and workshops, and keep my voice strong here. It matters to me deeply.
I’m going to need help remembering that because I have left, the love doesnt. As it was here all along…it doesnt just go away.
So very Grateful.