The sounds that soothe me.
I grew up in a house on the corner of a busy road, and a suburban street. There was a church that sat on top of a hill that I could see from our driveway, and in the summer, this church held a carnival for 4-whole days.
I love the sound of a carnival at night. The click-clack of the roller-coaster, the shouts of joys from getting the ping pong ball in the fishbowl, the exhilaration that comes in waves: woooAAAAAhhhh, WOOOaaahhhh, woooaaaaHHHH as people spin around and around.
When I came back home, I’d stuff my little hands into pillows of cotton candy, and lean my head out the window as dusk became night. The night air still sticky and warm and full of nostalgia, I’d listen for these sounds that soothe me, I’d listen with the eagerness of an 8-year old girl who existed completely on curiosity and adventure. I’d fall asleep exhausted and not wake up once until the morning.
The other day here in California I had my windows open as I fell asleep. The wind began to gently rock my blinds against the wall, and right away I remembered this sound in my room, in that house at the bottom of the hill.
There would be Saturdays where I’d come back from a double-practice, or a softball game, completely covered in dirt, grass, and victory. On some of these Saturdays I’d fall asleep in the afternoon, just for a bit. That sound of the blinds would often stir me awake. Or the sound of my dad mowing the lawn. Or the sound of my mom nagging my dad to mow the lawn : ) No matter which one, I loved all those sounds.
On many of these Saturdays my Dad and I would wash all the cars. He taught me how. One section at a time, water, soap, rinse. I loved being his side-kick in these operations, we’d talk about everything. We’d talk about the game that day, about sectionals coming up, we never got too deep into conversation, my Dad likes to keep it simple. I was very aware in these moments with my Dad, how special they were. I know that someday I’ll show my kids how to wash a car just right.
The sound of a babe or a kiddo laughing, the sound of Moose letting out a sigh, the sound of a yoga class letting out a huge sigh, the sound of little feet running across the hardwood floor, the sound of rain and thunder, the sound of a snow plow signaling a snow day, the sound of the first few chords of my favorite song, the sound of this one word ‘yes’ these two words ‘road trip!’, these three words ‘I love you.’ The sound I love more than anything, is the sound of the ocean. I could listen to the ocean for one million hours.
Last Friday I went down to Berkeley California with a hodge podge of new and old friends. What an amazing night. The Greek is this ridiculously beautiful outdoor venue where on this night, the Lumineers were playing: it was stars, moon, over-priced beer, dancing, and the comfort of friends.
There were a few albums I listened to again and again while in Kenya. You cant stream spotify or Pandora there, and the download speed can be a little tricky for itunes, so you pretty much listen with what you came with.
I will listen to a song I love 100 times in a day. And it will be awesome, 100 times. Ho-Hey was (and frankly still is) one of those songs. There’s a few parts I love to belt out. And on Friday night, I sang it from my belly. I sang it loud.
Love. We need it now. Well, it’s more like loooooooooooove we need it now. I belong with you. You belong with me. My
And this. ‘So show me family. All the blood that I could bleed. I don’t know where I belong. I don’t know where I went wrong.’
So here’s the deal, I probably shouldn’t affirm that again and again, singing it outloud, windows down. But there’s an honesty to it that just feels good.
Here I am in California. A year ago I was in Buffalo NY. To Kenya. Back to NY. And now, to California. To belong somewhere, you gotta stay somewhere Fryer : )
I’m just finished reading Baron Baptiste’s book ‘Being of Power’ (highly highly recommend) and one of the things that really stuck out to me was around breakthrough’s and transformations. He says this:
When you undergo a transformation, the world is unchanged. Your environment, situation, and immediate circumstances are all the same. How you feel, see, listen, think and act are what have been altered, and who you are and how you relate to the individuals and things in your life is what shifts. The beautiful thing here is that by transforming the way you relate to life, circumstances around you will ultimately shift as well. –Baron Baptiste
I know I am doing the work. I know I am relating in my world through a different lens…slowly. I know that it was my choice to travel around the globe, singing the words ‘ I don’t know where I belong’ over and over again. And so here’s the deal, the work kinda sucks. Getting real aint easy. But my god, is it WORTH it.
Here’s the gift. When you show up with a commitment for the truth, the boat will be rocked, people will be left behind, others will be picked up, you’ll run out of freaking gas, but then, someone will come fill you up, you will move on and through. The gift: others will see too…that the truth is the way. That the truth really will set you free. If what you’re up to is really, and I mean really telling the truth: ultimately, you will not regret it.
As these favorite sounds have been taking me back, I know why. They take me back to moments where I feel I hadn’t really screwed up yet. Where I was doing a ‘good job.’ Washing cars with my Dad on a Saturday: that’s where I belonged.
And now? Now I am in a sweet new relationship with a kind, caring, intelligent (and super handsome) man who looks me in the eye and tells me I am beautiful, I created a family with the fellow people I did teacher training with, I get lost on a daily basis and have no clue where I am, I go the wrong way down one-ways, I have lost the way to my yoga mat both on it, and as a teacher. Commitment number one: I come back to my yoga mat from all angles. All these wrong ways, one ways, roundabouts, green lights: have got me right here. And it’s perfect, as-is. That’s what I need to sing to myself with the windows down.
My life has unfolded this way, because of the choices I have made, the commitments I have declared, and my courage to try. If it’s one thing I have, it’s that. Courage.
I let go of the brick that ‘I screwed it up’ that ‘I should have done it better’ I let go of the brick that ‘I don’t belong here’ —- It’s not easy. I have to do this everyday. But it’s worth it. On the other side of this what shows up is
A life that is a life on purpose and not on circumstance.
What do you give up?
What do you commit to?
Can you believe you are worth a beautiful beautiful life. If you need a reminder, call me, I’ll be happy to remind you.
Seek out your favorite sounds. Surround yourself with them.