Because…someday is not a day of the week.
Lets review. Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Sunday.
But wait isn’t someday the day for football, eating too much, and 2-hour coffee breaks?
Nope. That’s Sunday.
Oh, okay, got it. Is someday that day when people are walking around like zombies talking about is it Friday yet?
Nope. That’s Monday.
Oh, I see.
Someday is just some bullshit excuse that we cover in ribbons and bows and let it ride around on a unicorn all whilst wondering…what things could be like. And believe me, I have a STABLE of unicorns and a whole drawer full of ribbons. I’m GOOD at someday.
But what I’ve also become good at is really listening. Like heart-beat listening. Soul-level listening. My yoga practice helps me listen. Brings to the surface and then releases all the nonsense that gets in the way of me living a courageous life.
Here’s who I am when I actually listen:
— an amazing friend who has no idea what time it is when we are together.
— a stranger that smiles at you and asks you who that cutie is on your key chain.
— a daughter who says I love you and means it.
— a partner who will leave your favorite dessert and love note on your door step.
— a woman who cannot take her eyes away from the ocean, sunset, sunrise, mountains.
— a yoga teacher who says childs pose when I was really hoping to say utkatasana
— a yoga student who folds into childs pose when I was really hoping for handstand.
When I really listen, I tell the truth. When I tell the truth, I feel free and inspired. When I feel free and inspired, I am a force.
I don’t have to listen very hard to know that I have been drawn to the west coast for many years. I love it out there. Sunshine. Ocean. Mountains. And yoga galore.
It was my last trip out there a few weeks ago that just did it for me. There is a level of creativity I feel out there. I love the outward fearlessness that I witness every time I’m there. It’s a vibration. And it speaks to me.
What it says is.
Get your ass out here.
What’s that? I cant quite hear you. Maybe someday. Someday I will. Someday I’ll move I just need to x, y, z first. I should really make some more money before I do that. I need to teach more here, I love teaching here. Kenya was a huge leap, I just want to stay put. Plus poor Moose just needs some stability and I need to sell my house I need to—
What? Those are all excuses and details? That I’m just making up excu—
No. No. You got it wrong. You see I just want to be a little comfortable. I’ve lived in 3 cities this year, I just want to be home, I want to teach a lot, I want to feel normal, I can do another winter, I like snow-, kinda, maybe I’ll take that job in a cube, I think I could do it, I’ll just need some zanax–
I’m full of it? And normal doesn’t work for me and we all know it?
So I’m listening. And I’m going. By the end of this month Moose and I will be living in California. NorCal, in the fine city of Sacramento. I’ll be joining the amazing team over at Zuda, a team of powerhouses that I know are going to show me a whole huge new way of living I did not know was possible. I am going there to learn the things I don’t know, I don’t know, as they would say in landmark. And I’m humble enough to know that friends, I don’t know much.
But what I do know is that 2012 was a year of following my heart. Left pharmaceuticals for luluemon in mid-2011, learned and experienced more with that amazing company and the people in it than I could have ever imagined and made friendships for a lifetime, went from lulu to Kenya, where my heart got cracked wide open, and I had to for the first time ever get extremely real about who I was being, and that level of honesty is one I am grateful for each day, I finally tackled my story about being alone, contributed on a deep, non-contingent level and found myself completely loved and loving in a 70-person family and now this….Cal-i-freaking-fornia.
I’ve been going to Zuda for the past 5 years, its my yoga haven every time I’m out that way. The classes are on-fire. The teachers are leaders. And the community is amazing. You know the ‘get your ass out here comment’ that’s the real deal people. Spoken by the vision and big picture dreamer behind Zuda: Ann Marie, or as many know her AMK. The last time I saw AMK was at Kripalu last fall, when she was 8 months pregnant, and in full handstand in the middle of the room at a Seane Corn workshop. Just another day. That’s how it rolls at Zuda, no living in the middle, get in or get out.
The team out there reminds of the team at breathe. Diverse and amazing. Nurturing yet accountable. Through this process it’s been nothing but open arms, listening, and a calling me out of my BS. I’m so grateful for that.
To my family here at Breathe and in Rochester in general. There is a quote that I love and it sums this up perfectly:
‘I am. Because you are’
Yoga has absolutely everything to do with who I have become. Its each of you, coming together as we roll out our mats time and again, to sweat, to cry, to fall, to stand, to do it all over again…it’s you.
It’s because of you, that I am.
I am evolving each day, and some days I un-evolve. I forget what I know, and I let fear run my decisions. And then I show up to teach a class and someone will get into headstand for the first time, and the WHOLE class will cheer. And I remember. To me? This is family. A family is a group of people who simply will not allow for others to not be great. You are the family I always wished I could be a part of.
Turns out. All I had to do was ask. See. And LISTEN.
So please listen closely when I say.
I love you.
Even those of you I never met, who’s crazy aunt sent you this blog post, cause she’s always forwarding you things, I even love you too. So I hope you heard me okay.
I LOVE YOU
And it’s okay if you cant believe me yet, or you say you cant hear me, don’t worry I understand. But if I can share one final thing with you it’s do the best you can to believe it. That people love you. That people want you to be great. Lets stop wasting time. Here’s what happens when you really believe you are loved.
You leap. Because even if you fall flat on your face. There’s going to be someone there to offer you a hand. And if they really love you, they’ll laugh at you, until you laugh at you, and they’ll show you the video of your epic fall that they recorded on their phone. ‘GIRL FALLS DOWN’ 2 million views. The video will say. But at least it wont say ‘GIRL STOOD THERE WHILE LIFE WENT BY’ 4 views.
There’s no triumph in a someday story. You know that thing you’ve always been wanting to do.
And then come tell me all about it. Lets trade stories.
(I’m going to write more later, because I love it. I want to share more about Zuda, this new adventure, and more gratitude bear hugs, But for now just wanted to let you all know what’s going on next, so I can stop staring weirdly at you when you all ask me what I am doing ; )