Last night I had this plan about sleeping in.
Here was the plan
‘I’m going to sleep in tomorrow.’ — instead I woke up at 6.
Instead I went to yoga at 8am, it was a great class, I’d say one of my favorites since being here. It reminded me of home, the way this one corner bakery always reminds me of my friend Gail, and her kitchen on Barrington Road. The way a song can remind me of that road trip with Bri, with the windows down in the perfect 60 degree Fall, heading to an acoustic show in Ithaca NY. The way that someone you’ve met just once can look you in the eye, and ask a simple soft question of how are you, and you are in that moment at the table with your best friend, Andrea, it’s Sunday morning, and time is moving in the slow slow measure of 2 people that have spent so much time being together.
‘Oh this reminds me of’….there is comfort in a sentence that begins like that. But I know I did not come here, choose this, to be reminded of what I know I love already. I came to be reminded and live by example, that the world is big. I came to be reminded that the best views are always just up over the hill…and the how-to guide is simple: one step. One step. One step.
There are things I need to do today. I need to unpack my things. I need to get a couch. I have a to-do list…somewhere.
Instead I walked Moose for a long time this morning. Stopped by a bike shop and fell in love with a blue Schwinn that I decided just might be more important than a couch. I tied up Moose for a moment to charm the strangers walking by and got a fresh cup of coffee, because coffee, walking, and Moose is one of my favorite combinations in the whole world.
Downtown Sacramento or Midtown as it’s known is a cool place, lots of places to explore, that I’m looking forward to exploring, and the people are so kind.
After my long walk I decided that I would do it, I’d start unpacking.
Instead I. I walked back to a shop that I saw that had cards in the window that I knew I would like, I walked over there with 20 dollars, and now I have 5 new cards to send. I have a bin at home that has dozens of cards in it. When I find the perfect card, I buy it, rarely do I buy a card for an occasion, rather I find the occasion, and then I find the person. Call it manifestion, or call it crazy, but I love not knowing how or to whom, it will be written.
Today though the cards all have recipients, names I will write on the front. One is for a friend I haven’t talked to in years, my beautiful friend named Leigh. I want to ask her how she has been to share with her the ways I think she’s beautiful. One card is for my parents. I just printed out all my pictures from Kenya, all 700, and I want to send them a few. I think they get worried about me, I know they want me to settle down, make a comfortable living, find a partner. I want to show them some of the faces I fell in love with at Kenya, I want them to see how I smiled there, so bright, I hope they can know then that these adventures in the unfamiliar are all worth it. There is a card for my dear friend Luca who is really doing some amazing things and I am so proud of him. He is my one call I would ever make if I went to jail. Though it is likely that if I ever did anything mischevious enough to go to jail, I would already be with Luca. He is my call often, and I am his, and I love how every time we talk, I laugh till I cry. Or sometimes I am just crying…till I laugh. Same idea. The last card is for my beautiful best friend Andrea who I miss, every single day. I lived with her and her hubby during my 2 months between Kenya and Cali, and she is my rock.
I could write 100 more, and I likely will, soon anyway. It’s not rare at all for me to send a card. I think I’m one of the few people that buys stamps outside of Christmas or for paying bills.
It’s 3 oclock now. Nothing is getting unpacked today.
Instead I. I’ll continue to sit outside till the sun goes down. I think I have about 2 more hours. I am clear that today for me is about connection, feeling out of it, and taking the steps to come back in. It began this morning in yoga, and I’m trying to not let it based in remembering when….but of beginning.
But right now I just want to feel close to the people I love. That’s all. To be completely honest with you, I saw a picture today that a friend posted of a training happening at breathe yoga, in our downtown location, and I felt it in my heart. I miss it. I miss that space. I miss teaching. I miss all the people in that space. I’m trying to remind myself that it’s just space after all…just space.
Instead I. Well instead I’ll let myself be a little sad about it. Because I am a human being with a heart. A heart I wish to nurture but not protect. To be sad, but not for too long : ) to be here….instead.