DATING IN YOUR 30’s
For those of you in a happy, loving, partnership, where you are certain that person is not going to murder you, or try to make eating a corn dog sexy, or is currently in the bathroom flexing, taking a picture. Go to them right now, tell them you love them, and make a commitment to never ever leave each other.
Thank them for absolutely everything, including brushing their teeth in the morning, paying their taxes, and again (this is important) never ever taking a picture of themselves that left you uncertain of wether or not you would make it through the appetizers at Applebees, to the main course entrée without being killed. (let alone the fact that men in their 30’s think applebees is an appropriate date-site) re-write your vows, get each other a gift, cherish each other.
Guys. Dating in your 30’s is KINDA AWFUL.
I think back to my 20’s and oh, how glorious they were. I was constantly being set-up with the most handsome men on the planet. I’d go out with my friends, and we’d dance the night away. I’d be whisked away to 5-course dinners, and weekends away. As a self-proclaimed make-out bandit, I had no shortage of adorable suitors to make-out with, and, it seemed, like everyone had a boat or a ski house, and so, your recreational activity matched the 4-seasons of Upstate NY and all was more than well. Also, in my 20’s I had abs without even trying. They were just there.
I knew I had it good.
I also knew I didn’t want to get married to anyone. And I’d happily attend dozens of weddings over the years. I’d be leading the electric slide, again and again and again. I was the ‘you have more microphones here, I know it’ persuasion behind everyone living out their dreams of being in a band. I was the force behind multiple flash mobs. I’d convince bar tenders that shots were indeed included in open bars, and throw back shots of whiskey with crazy uncles. I was a big hit with 5-year olds, and grandpa’s alike, I found my niche at weddings. As ‘the fun single one.’
I watched all my girlfriends get married, attended wedding after wedding, and though I cry (ugly-face, sob, hand-waving, do you have any Kleenex in your bra?) at every ceremony (I am such a sucker for people professing their love for each other) AND I have the most extraordinary group of women around me who deserve the best…I still was like Nah, I’m good. This is not for me. Someday, someday.
And now. Everyone’s married. I haven’t been to a wedding in a while. Cause everyone’s making sauce on Sundays, and their babies are holding up chalkboards announcing more babies on the way. The husbands who I’ve danced to Ja Rule with on many dance floors, and piled into cabs with, are now pushing their adorable babies through central park in freshly pressed checkered shirts. My girlfriends, are all ridiculously gorgeous momma’s who are doing it all, and still managing to curl their hair and look beautiful on 2 hours of sleep. Any gathering now would be a fleet of Volvo’s, Chrysler Town and Countries, and 3rd row seating.
And now? Let me tell ya, the idea of a Sunday, with my handsome man in his checkered shirt, out pushing the babies and dog along in a double-wide, a bathroom renovation, and a calendar that reminds us of dentist appointments and oil changes….sounds like heaven.
I’m not joking.
A little different actually since I don’t plan on leaving the west coast. So here’s the scene. A man with a beard, man-bun, soft cotton t-shirt, 501’s, chucks, wayfarers….wearing our baby in a sling, walking with bags of local produce from the farmers market. The old landcruiser needs an oil change…and we cant forget to go to our eco-friendly, naturopath, dentist/masseuse…on Tuesday.
Ps. I know both scenes I painted don’t match what normally happens on any given Sunday. But let me stay in this bliss a bit longer.
I’d say in the past 2-years, I actually started picturing what it would be like to be married. And. (gasp) realizing that’s what I want. Deeply, and for certain, and for all those Sundays of being together.
But. (and if you’re in your 30’s, never married, you might understand). If you’re still single, it’s TOUGH OUT THERE. As a single woman in her 30’s (I’m 33) I am now in this weird age bracket where the ‘why are you still single?’ question comes less from a place of curiosity, and more of a place of waiting for a flag on the field. Also, I run after babies on the street now…it’s bad, and I cant tame this ‘run-after-the-baby’ reaction even when in new company (aka I scare the shit out of people just trying to have a first beer).
Also, freaking yoga has made me all accountable. Damn it. Takes away the recklessness and excuses.
So since Paul and I broke up a year ago.
I have made-out with ONE person. ONE. (it was super hot, but not set-up for future make-outs for various reasons I will not be explaining)
I’ve gone on a handful of first dates, all of which have been major duds. I know this is all self-generated and I am not putting out there, whatever it is that draws in great partnership.
I don’t go out, I can’t stand it.
I’ll have a glass of wine, and need to go to bed immediately.
I am becoming more and more equipped with doing things on my own.
I’m in love with my dog (not in a weird way) but in a way where I just want to be home with Moose over making shitty conversations past 9pm.
The ‘I have to set you up with this person’ has completely gone away.
I’m not panicking…but I’m also like, um, how’s this gonna go?
I’m going to give you guys a sneek peak into what it’s like out there. You should sit down for this.
About a month ago, my crazy friend Steph Corker stole my phone, and put me on Tinder. Steph, who has an absolutely wonderful guy we’ll call Davey (cause that’s what we call him in real life) think that swiping left and swiping right is pretty much the most hilarious thing on the planet.
I mean, it kinda is.
Here’s what happens on Tinder. It’s ALL first impressions. So you set your demographics (age, and georgraphy range) and then, that’s it. Based on those 2-things alone you get a grab-bag of people also on tinder. And you swipe left (for hell no) and swipe right (for oh, hell yes, mmmm, maybe, why the heck not, and oh! He’s cute) meaning…you roll the dice.
NOW. if that person ALSO swiped right, then CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You have a NEW MATCH! And then you can talk to each other. (romantic, right?)
I will say what I like about this, is I think first impressions are actually huge. I like that when someone pops up on your screen you don’t know if they swiped left of right for you, and it’s quick. I can do it in-line at the bank.
At first, I thought Tinder was people just trying to have sex with each other. I mean, I guess it is kinda. Which is also, just like life. People are just tryin’ to get laid ya’ll. (but if you’re in a Sunday kinda love) you’re good. It’s us single people out there forced to sift through the madness.
How bad could it be?
Now, surely, I’m just being judgemental right (I am very judgemental)
NO GUYS, IT’S BAD!!!!!
But I will say this. I’ve gone on 2-dates in the past 3 months. Both duds. But both nice guys. Both asked me out again, and I wondered if they were on the same date as me. I politely declined, I don’t believe in leaving people hanging. Clear communication, EVERYWHERE.
I have heard success stories of people meeting. I think that’s awesome!!!
But you know, I just want a better za-za-zoo story of how we met. Swiping right is great and all….but I don’t know if that’s the backstory I’m willing to settle for at the wise-old-age of 33. Am I being crazy? I don’t know. Is Tinder and on-line dating what it’s come to?
DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYONE THAT CAN SET ME UP WITH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Maybe you need some evidence to feel bad for me, and to call up your cousin John who lives in Australia who you think might be single (long distance is a fine way to start)
(and yes, these are screen shots that I take, knowing I was going to write about this, and also because Mary Beth LaRue thinks this is the best thing in the world, so you’re welcome MB, you owe me dinner).
For your ease of viewing I have sorted these pictures into the following categories. I have also cropped out the names. I dont have any mutual friends with these people (part of Tinders charm is it shows you that), so I feel like there’s a 99.9% chance no one I know, knows any of them. I mean no mal-intent. And will karmically accept any websites I show up on, for asian-daters, for men who love asians, who love their dogs and go to bed between 9 and 10pm.
- you might kill me
- even men have a duck-face
- everyone’s an alcoholic
- lets do it
- and my personal favorite: WTF.
YOU MIGHT KILL ME.
EVEN MEN HAVE A DUCK FACE
EVERYONES AN ALCOHOLIC
(there are a gazillion of these, we’re talking first impressions here, and 7/10 times someones leading with pic where their chugging alcohol)
LETS DO IT
(Tinder has a repuation of people just wanting to get laid, here’s why)
(for everything else that’s just a bit unexplainable, here ya go)
And so. Love the ones you’re with. Take no partnership for granted. If you’re 26-31 and thinking about marrying someone. MARRY THEM. Or at least dont do the electric slide alone.
A Sunday kinda love…is it real?!?!? I think so. I believe in the good things coming.